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In This Article:

• The emotional impact of a cancer diagnosis
• Reflecting on life choices and personal priorities
• The process of finding strength amidst adversity
• Experiencing a spiritual awakening during illness
• Embracing a new path of self-discovery and purpose

The Weight and Blessing of a Cancer Diagnosis

by Maryann Weston, author of the book: Revealing Light.

The problem with comprehension is it often comes too late.
                                           -- Rasmenia Massoud, Human Detritus

I felt as though I had done something wrong when I was first diagnosed with cancer, as though I was somehow to blame for getting sick. Perhaps if I had of been more vigilant, focused more on my health and stopped with the “busy-ness,” I might have made time for a check-up or given my immune system the hand up it needed.

I felt so weak and vulnerable whenever I had to go out socially because with guilt goes shame and I didn’t know how to handle all the conflicting emotions I was feeling.

I felt different from everyone else, singled out and isolated. I was incapable of normal conversation with anyone other than close family and friends.

The Moment of Truth

I was dreading the appointment with my GP of 28 years, as I walked up that concrete path and into the open-plan surgery, I had so often visited for what now were minor complaints in comparison to cancer; chronic fatigue, a thyroid issue, stress overload.

I had been putting off further testing, despite symptoms for almost a year. However, when my sister was diagnosed in 2014, my GP said I could no longer put it off. And so, I didn’t.

I wasn’t expecting to be told I had cancer, but who is?

The Spiral into Fear and Regret

When I was diagnosed, I spiraled down through a combination of depression and fear. I thought back over my life and shook my head at all the times I had stayed back at work too late or let myself be overworked and overloaded.

I thought about my constant sacrificing of self for my family, and most of all, for my employers, and wondered why on earth had I not looked after myself.

Why, in the ladder of importance, did I put myself on the bottom rung? How could I get it so wrong that I put everyone and everything before my health? What motivated me to dissect petty office politics and extended family squabbles, or carry around someone else’s negative energy and unresolved dysfunction?

A Shift in Priorities

Cancer is a huge learning curve and the ultimate game changer. You never live your life in the same way. You try and avoid stress and you are choosy about who you allow into your life, and by how much.

I will never let myself get overworked again, ever. My children are adults now and it’s time for me to live my life in my best interests; to take a bigger slice of life for myself. A lot changed after my diagnosis — for the better and for the worse — and I’ll get to that.

The Overwhelming Reality of the Now

Those early tests to confirm diagnosis were overwhelming. I remember being entombed in the MRI machine, the ultimate diagnostic test, the surgeon ordered not long after the results of the biopsy were known, listening to the click of the magnets and fighting off claustrophobia. I pondered hindsight. It could have been so different but as my dearly loved sister Jane always reminded me, how many people say, “Could have, should have, would have?”

I supposed she was right; what is past is past. What matters is the now and the journey, the gratitude we learn to make part of our life and, ironically, the cruelest lessons cancer deals us. I now give myself permission to put myself first.

The Agonizing Waiting Period

The period between diagnosis, while they run the multitude of tests, when they are still deciding the degree of the bad news they will give you, is the worst part at the beginning. It’s the not knowing that’s excruciatingly frightening for you and for your family.

I remember the thoughts going through my mind, that if there is a way out of this, I would take it. Was there a bargain I could make and, if so, with whom? Perhaps this was happening to someone else, maybe they were mistaken? I’ve dodged bullets before; how could I wriggle out of this one?

It was, as you can see, the reactions of a desperate person, slowly sinking into the quicksand of inevitability.

The Brutal Reality of Cancer

To say that this process is a test of strength is perhaps an understatement. Rather, it is brutal, confronting, and extreme. It is a slap in the face with reality that can’t be idealized away or wrapped up in some Pollyanna-like positivity. Though, to develop a positive mindset is the goal of the process.

Not only must you find the strength you need to survive the treatment, but more than that, the strength to beat cancer. It is a fight for your life and sometimes, for some people, against the odds.

Drawing Strength from Experience

I believe that our strength can be found in the sum of experiences we’ve had. In those early weeks, friends often said, “But you’re a strong person. I know you’ll get through this.” Somehow those were words I couldn’t comprehend because I did not know then that I had the strength to withstand whatever cancer threw at me.

How do you know how you’ll react today after a day of nausea, to the unexpected impact and setback of treatment, to the trauma of complex surgery and the aftermath of treatment? I drew on my sister’s example, that she withstood what was thrown at her and fought so very valiantly. I hoped that I had even half of her strength.

Choosing a Path Forward

In those early days after diagnosis, each day was a learning experience about who I was, and a test of strength and discipline — disciplining fears and anxieties, disciplining my mind to stay positive and my emotions to stay strong.

Curling up in a ball and bemoaning “why me?” is a downward spiral. There are many mental and emotional routes you can take when you get a diagnosis of cancer. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I do know that you must choose to remain positive. It’s the only way to approach it.

The Ever-Present Shadow

I found it easier after the initial fear subsided — not that I lulled myself into a false sense of security — no, cancer sufferers and survivors never have that luxury. It is always present and accounted for, never too far away from the periphery of thought.

I suppose my biggest strength remained, as it always was and will be, and that is my faith in something more — God, the creator, an infinite wisdom, and divine presence. This is the same faith that has seen me through the most difficult terrain of my life so far; a quiet but sure knowledge that I’ll be okay in the end.

But faith must be worked at; it has to be trusted. It’s the parachute you have when you take that leap off a cliff and the invisible net you hope and pray will be there before you hit the ground. It’s the quiet confidence in a new day and in yourself to sustain, endure and complete the journey you know you’re meant to make.

Hindsight tells me that like everything else in my life, the people, and situations I’ve encountered, the work I’ve been led to do, the lessons I’ve learned and the person I’ve become, that cancer led me in directions I hadn’t contemplated before. Something so profound and life changing was not without meaning.

A Journey of Awakening

I began writing this book in real time during cancer treatment to raise awareness and to tell my story of an altered life and spiritual life. It’s like me to be an advocate for change even when it’s happening to me. Silly perhaps — it’s not an easy path — but I believe every experience is meaningful and can lead to change for the better. I’ve been doing it all my life.

There is nothing redeeming about cancer that I could see then. And now? It was the spiritual awakening I’d always signed up for. It was a complete and utter 360 that led me to realize spiritual gifts, particularly clairvoyance, that had been dormant since childhood.

Back then, though, it was testing times. Uncertain times.

The Path to Understanding

As I waited for my treatment to start that took around two and a half years to complete, I again fell back on faith. Of course, it would be okay. Of course, I would come through this and move onto a better, richer, more meaningful life, understanding as I must that there are no guarantees.

And if you fail to listen, then the lesson will meet you, blocking your path until you understand.

Copyright 2025. All Rights Reserved.

Article Source:

BOOK: Revealing Light

Revealing Light: How Cancer Illuminated My Divine Blueprint
by Maryann Weston.

A spiritual odyssey, Revealing Light: How Cancer Illuminated My Divine Blueprint tells the story of its author's psychological and spiritual evolution, from confronting her mortality with a deadly illness to creating a community of like-minded people. In 2015, amid a successful career, wife and mother Maryann Weston was diagnosed with cancer. Confronted by death, she felt inadequate and small.

If only she had known then how supremely and divinely Spirit would soon walk beside her, onto cancer's battlefield... This book is about the gifts received through adversity, about learning in the fiery waters of a spiritual baptism that many cancer warriors experience and how crisis can shatter existence to reveal divine purpose in life - a blueprint we agreed to before we were born. 

For more info and/or to order this book, click here.  Also available as a Kindle edition.

About the Author