Editor's Note: The above is an overview of the article, while the audio below is of the complete article.
In This Article:
- How does the modern Serenity Prayer differ from the original?
- Why does the focus on "I" limit our ability to create change?
- What does it mean to shift from "me-go" to "we-go" consciousness?
- How can we embrace courage to change things that should be changed?
- Why is the Heart the ultimate guide in creating lasting transformation?
Why It's Time to Break Free from the Serenity Prayer
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com
The Serenity Prayer has become part of many of our lives as a guide to how to live our life. And for good reason. It has helped many traverse the rough roads of life. Learning to accept the things we couldn’t change was a great strength as many struggled through the challenges of their lives.
The most well-known version of the Serenity Prayer goes like this:
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
However the original version attributed to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, goes like this:
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed.
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
When we compare the “popular” version with the original, there are a few discrepancies that I feel are very important. They change the direction in which the prayer guides us.
From "Me" to "We"
First of all, the original version mentioned accepting the things that “cannot be changed”, as opposed to the popular version referring to things “I cannot change”. And that is an important difference. There are things that we may not be able to change on our own, but that does not mean they cannot be changed by others, or as a collective.
There are many sayings, and our own experience can support it, that show that “two heads are better than one”, that “when two or more of us are gathered together” we are much more powerful than alone.
Let’s look at the simple example of a broken arm. Yes, perhaps you cannot change or fix it personally. But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be fixed by someone with the knowledge and expertise to do so.
However, even in this basic example, if you were stuck in the wild somewhere with no one to turn to except your own self, you would find a way to “fix” the broken arm, even if not as “perfectly” as a trained professional could.
So that is the first huge difference between the original prayer and what has become popular. The new version is not as empowering as it negates, or at least ignores, the power of coming together to create change.
Yes, the changes needed in the world around us are something, possibly or even probably, that the little “I” cannot change, but together we are an indivisible force. We can combine our talents, our energy, our visions to make a difference.
Courage and Vision
The next section of the version popularized by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) speaks of the “courage to change the things I can” as opposed to “Courage to change the things which should be changed”. This is again a major difference and change of direction.
In the AA version, we again turn to the individual, by referring to changing the things “I” can. In the original version, it steps away from the individual, and instead takes on a wider view of the situation. It speaks of the things that “should be changed”.
What comes to mind as an example is slavery… Other examples could be cruelty to animals (and humans), destruction of the environment, and so many other examples. These are situations that we may not, as an individual, be able to change single-handedly, which may then lead to discouragement and despair.
But the original Serenity Prayer spoke of the “Courage to change the things which should be changed”. And that is where our inner guidance and discernment comes to mind.
Yes, we need to accept the things that cannot be changed, but before we do that, we must be able to distinguish between those things that cannot be changed and those that should be, and need to be, changed. And, even if we think something cannot be changed, we must remember that we are seeing through our limited human perception, with our limited experience and knowledge of what is possible.
Just because we think something cannot be changed doesn’t mean that is true. There are numerous examples in history of situations that some people thought could not be changed, yet some brave souls with a greater vision stepped forth and proposed and led actions to implement those changes. And thus, things did change even when a portion of the population thought that it couldn’t (or maybe even shouldn’t) change.
Wisdom of Differentiation
The last section refers to the “Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other”. And that’s the crux of the whole matter. So many of us basically give up before starting because we don’t believe either in ourselves, in the people around us, or in the possibility of a particular thing taking place.
As Wayne Dyer had stated “You’ll see it when you believe it”. First we must believe in the possibility of change before it can take place. If we don’t see any way to achieve the goal, or if we don’t believe there could be a way, we have closed off our minds to the possibility of it happening.
When we think of the great “change-makers” in history – Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr. come to mind – they had a clear vision of what needed to change. But more than that, they also had the wisdom to realize that even though they as an individual could not effect the change on their own that collectively a change could happen.
These "woke" and inspired leaders brought together groups of people, some who also believed change could happen, and some who were not so sure. Yet, the combined energy and force of their desire for change propelled them forward to make a difference.
A New Take on the Serenity Prayer
However, there is a newer version of the Serenity Prayer which is popular in activist and social justice groups. This version moves past the passive acceptance of not being able to change some things to the new perception of having “the courage to change the things I cannot accept.”
This newer version challenges the passive stance of simply accepting that we can’t change things, and rather places the power in our own hands. It does so by acknowledging that there are things we cannot accept and that we have a desire to change them.
And this is where we now stand. There are things that “should” be changed and not accepted. Perhaps the powers that be have encouraged us to be passive, to accept, to sit back and watch what is going on without looking to see how we can create change.
There are so many things “wrong” or out of balance in our world. The list, unfortunately, can go on and on. From household violence to societal violence, from inequality of the sexes to inequality in societal groups, from dislike among siblings to hatred of others unlike us.
Yet, the macro problems “out there in the world” are a reflection of the “micro” world of our personal lives and attitudes. Societal discrimination starts at home between siblings, school mates, neighbors, relatives. And so does inequality, injustice, and not seeing the bigger picture, and not learning to love unconditionally those who surround us.
A podcast I listened to recently spoke of the transition from the ego to the “me-go” to the “we-go”. And this is where we are. Personal growth movements have spoken for years of the ego and of moving past it into the realm of the heart. Once we start making choices from the individual heart, this then puts us in the “me-go” stage of consciousness. But we now must move into the “we-go”, the state of a greater perspective… the one of a greater “We”, not just the small me or the familiar we of our immediate family and loved ones.
The greater “We” is so much more powerful than the individual “me”. As we group together and start making “heart-guided”choices and living from the Heart, we automatically initiate change. And it is these changes that make a huge difference.
It is not about fighting others -- it is about finding a better, more loving way to move forward. It is not about demolishing the old, but in healing and amending the thoughts and beliefs and actions that led us there, and starting to think from the Heart as opposed as to from the separated state of consciousness that sees us all as separate rather than all the same.
Because yes, we are all the same. Even the “horrible” person is seeking happiness in whatever way they feel is possible. Yet, our task is not to try to change them, but to change the path we’re on, both individually and collectively. And we must do so by following the guidance of our Heart as it will always show us the way through the morass of confusion and disagreements that are rampant in our world.
What Now?
Once we realize there are things we simply cannot accept, the question is not whether “I can make a difference or not” but rather to ask our Heart “How can I make a difference in this moment, right here and right now?” And to keep asking that question as we go along.
In a previous article I referred to another version of this question: “My heart, what do you need from me right now?” The question is the same, and our task is the same. Even if we feel we may not have the wisdom to know which things need changing, our Heart does.
So, as we turn again and again to the Wisdom of our Heart, we will be guided along to what we need to say and do. And this is where the journey of change begins… in the Heart of each one of us. One by one, moment by moment, day by day.
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About The Author
Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.
Creative Commons 3.0: This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 License. Attribute the author: Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com. Link back to the article: This article originally appeared on InnerSelf.com
Article Recap:
The Serenity Prayer meaning has evolved over time, but its modern version may unintentionally limit our power to create change. The original version, attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr, emphasized not just personal acceptance but the courage to change things that should be changed. This shift from an individual focus to a collective one is key to transforming social and personal challenges. By listening to the Heart and embracing a "we-go" consciousness, we empower meaningful change beyond passive acceptance.
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